Love Letters
by Star-Dust'and'Nova
Summary: High Schools a hassle, full of all kinds of drama, especially relationship drama. In this story two friends struggle to keep a friendship that is slowly crumbling beneath them.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

We all have a true love, or, well, find one eventually. But love isn't all rainbows and roses, or a walk through the park on a sunny day. Everyone gets to a point where someone you love, won't even give you the time of day. But when you find the one person you would go to the ends of the earth for, no matter what, your heart is set on them forever, and when they need you in their life as much as you need them, the world is reborn before your eyes!  
>In my case, love….long story short; a rollercoaster. At times I feel like I fell for the wrong person, and other times as if I couldn't find anyone better. Yeah, my mind just blew up.<p>

Everyone "knew" we'd end up together, but did we? Let's just say, it's complicated. All I could think every day was that no one should suffer like this, but unfortunately, it happens, a lot. I went through life thinking of nothing but him, but at least I knew he was happy. Sometimes it hurts more to look at someone you love wander around with a broken heart than to give up your own for them. Or so I thought…


	2. Never Look Back

**Never look back**

_I'm not going to pretend like I hate you or like I don't want to  
><em>  
><em>be around you, I wish I could be closer to you…<br>_  
><em>that feeling so much. I expected everything to go down the<br>_  
><em>drain the second you found out how I felt, but I was wrong…<em>  
><em><br>for a while. Everything changed the day you found "someone_  
><em><br>else"…why?_  
><em><br>I regret a lot of things, yes, but I wish you stopped to see_  
><em><br>Yourself for a minute… What happened?_  
><em><br>-Analie Zepeda_

First year of High School… Yay? Well, it's exciting because I feel so much stronger and full of so many more open doors now! Sadly, I've found out that growing up is a huge hassle.

First of all, homework! Ugh! Why! Don't we get enough inside the actual classes? Essays and lab reports, oy! Tests are also annoying, and every year they get harder, obviously. I mean, I get having quizzes, but tests? And not any test, but a 60 question, state standard test! Talk about pressure. Well, I guess all we can do is hope to get through it all alive.

But, my biggest issue, personally, is dealing with relationships. Not only friendships but dealing with couple's drama. Everyone starts changing, _especially_ when they hit High School. People start making their cliques and care way too much about being the center of attention. And boys, don't get me started. How is someone supposed to understand them? Before it was all cute little crushes, now it's just flat out drama. Every day I hear about a horrible heart break, and every day I have to deal with mine. Somehow I blame myself for everything.

Here's my story:

Tuesday, February 9th  
>The day I got up the nerve to tell Javier how I feel…and the day he finds his "one true love". The day was going great. The morning started off like any other. I wake, shower, eat breakfast, brush my hair, and all that stuff. Before I left the house I looked myself over in the mirror as if to give myself a pep talk. I started into my dark brown eyes in my reflection and ran my hand through my straight brown hair and pushed my hair behind my ears. Yep, I was nervous.<p>

All through the first half of the day we walked around school together, with our usual group of people. But today I couldn't take my eyes off him. His dark and shaggy short hair, his caramel brown eyes, perfect smile, his somewhat tan skin that made him feel so Mexican. Examining everything as if it was the last time I'd see him.

We had all our classes together this year, and oddly enough we sat right next to each other in most classes. We always had a lot of fun together, he was one of my best friends, and he always kept me laughing. After 4th period Biology, during lunch, we always walk to the lunch line together, and that day I was prepared to tell him I really liked him, _liked him_ liked him. And right before I was going to tell him, Maddy – blonde, tan chick – showed up. I didn't know her all that well, but she was cool, I had 7th period Drama with her after school. We always worked together on plays and skits, so we got along pretty good, but we didn't hang out much out of Drama Class. So, we said our hellos and Javier introduced us to each other not knowing we were already pretty familiar with each other. And then, he told me the "big news", kind of went down like this:  
>"Ann, this is Maddy."<p>

I smirked, "Yeah, I know her, we have drama together."

"Oh, so I should keep you guys pretty distant if you're going to start a cat fight." He told me sarcastically.

"Wow," both Maddy and I just couldn't resist laughing at that. "I mean Drama Class after school, smart one."

"Yeah, we're working on that skit I told you about last night." She added.

Javis smiled at us. "Ah, so Analie the Great is your partner? No wonder you're skit's going so well. That also explains the need for mystery in it." Javis always called me _Analie the Great_ because he thought I was a great writer, I always showed him my stories.

"It's not easy for someone like me to write something that won't keep you on the edge of your seat."

Javis pointed at the story I was writing that I was carrying with my binder, "Obviously."

"Well, anyway, how did you and Maddy meet?"

Javis took Maddy's hand in his, "She's my new girlfriend, I asked her out on Sunday. We see each other a lot before school and we started talking. After a while, we just fell for each other."

I was surprised, and heartbroken. "Wow, well, uh, congrats." I tried hiding all my emotion and held back the tears. "I'm really happy for you." Fake excitement came much easier than I thought it would. I guess that's what being a good actor's all about.

Maddy looked into his eyes as he looked back at her hazel eyes. "Yup, he's definitely the one." I plastered a fake smile across my face and went along with the lovey-dovey feeling that they kept giving off.

Once we got our lunch I left the irksome couple and rushed over to Aleksa, A.K.A my best friend, with tears starting to stream down my cheeks. I quickly wiped the tears away and pulled her aside from the group we hung out with.

"Hey, I was kind of telling a…" she stopped immediately when she caught a glimpse of the redness around my eyes."Oh my goodness, what happened?" At the thought of having to relive what just happened I started breaking down.

Aleksa took my in her arms and let me cry it out. "There, there, it's OK, I'm here for you, and so is my brand new jacket that is soaking up your tears." I couldn't help but look up and smile at that.

"Even when the world comes to an end, and when the apocalypse eats us whole, you'll always make me laugh no matter what. Thank you." We sat down and she wiped my tears away with her sleeve.

She waited until I caught my breath, pushed her wavy, auburn hair behind her ears and in her olive-green eyes I found a sanctuary. "So tell me, what happened, and whose face am I going to have to break today?" Again, I just had to laugh.

So, I told her everything, from how I decided I was gonna tell Javier how I felt, to the new girlfriend popping up, and the nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach that made want to punch them both so bad (and yes, I realize I have issues).

The rest of the day was horrible. I had to hold in the tears until I got home: I barely survived. It was the most painful experience of my life yet.


	3. My Sanctuary

**My Sanctuary  
><strong>  
><em>I don't feel "safe" anymore, I should've said something<em>  
><em><br>sooner, things would be different. I didn't tell Aleksa_  
><em><br>everything, I need to avoid getting to deep into all of_  
><em><br>this, some things I just have to keep to myself; relieves_  
><em><br>me of some of the pain…_  
><em><br>In public…_  
><em><br>It bugs me, yes: a lot._  
><em><br>But what am I gonna do about it? I just have to keep_  
><em><br>telling myself that it'll all be alright…eventually._  
><em><br>We'll see._  
><em><br>-Analie Zepeda_

The day after the tragedy..."my train wreck". (Story of my life)

They're so, how should I say it...annoying! I'm gonna regret this forever aren't I? ok then, I've gotta be strong.

But how?

Yesterday, or the rest of yesterday actually, went...very awkwardly. I couldn't look at Javier all of 5th and 6th period, then in 7th period things felt really tense with Maddy. I think she could just feel the "awkward" between us now.

But, I got through the day.

Now I just have to survive the rest of freshmen year...woohoo...(yes, fake excitement).

Since I have all 6 classes with Javier and Drama Class (emphasis on CLASS) with Maddy, everything just seems so god dam depressing.

Isn't life just lovely?

1st period: Odd, he knows something's up.

2nd period: Aleksa won't leave my side. Good, because I don't wanna face Javier.

Bell. Yes, finally nutrition break...here we go.

(How about we play 20 questions?)

I walked out of class with Aleksa and as she walked to the lunch line to buy breakfast I told her I'd meet her back at the tree where we hung out. As I started walking away I could see Javier rushing towards me out of the corner of my eye. All I could think was _shit_.

He stopped beside me and put his hand on my shoulder saying "Hey," out of breath.

"Sup." I replied, without even looking up.

He shrugged his shoulders "What's up?"

Still looking down at my feet I said "Well, I forgot my homework for 3rd period and I'm probably walking home for lunch today," trying to avoid answering what he was really asking about.

He turned me by the shoulder to face him, "That's not what I mean and you know that." I looked up at him as a knot formed in my throat. "Why have you been giving me the cold shoulder all day?"

I turned my head to the right staring blankly ahead. "Why do you care..." I barely managed a whisper.

He took his hand off my shoulder and sighed, an angry sigh. "You've been acting weird all day, and not just today but yesterday, too. You didn't even say hi. What the hell did I do?"

"Nothing!" I was getting annoyed now. "Just, let it go." I turned to walk away and he grabbed my arm.

"Yeah, I know I didn't do anything, but obviously there's something going on and I know you're blaming me." I turned back to face him and he loosened his grip. "Why won't you talk to me?" As I looked up at him I could see the heartbreak and anger in his eyes and I couldn't find anything to say. Then I realized that this isn't his fault. It's no one's fault.

"There's just a lot going on in my mind right now." I responded.

"But why do you have to take it out on me?" he challenged.

"Look, it's complicated and I really don't feel like talking about it, okay?" I responded.

"I just don't get why you wouldn't tell me. We're best friends and usually what best friends do when something's wrong is talk to each other about it." he said in disappointment. "We've known each other for years and if you can't trust me then..." he cut himself off.

"I know, but...everyone has secrets, even best friends, and some things are too personal." I said, trying hard not to feel guilty. I have nothing to feel guilty about. It's something no one needs to know about. My personal feelings are my business and my business only. "I don't like to talk or think about it and not even Aleksa knows all about it." I continued. "But you know I trust you more than anyone, right?"

"All about it?" he asked. "You mean you told her and not me? How do you want me to believe you trust me more if you won't tell me anything?"

"No, it's just that she was the only one who was around when it happened and I had to get some of it out!" I said, wishing I just hadn't said anything in the first place. "But right now it's just something I need to deal with alone. Please, just...let's just put it behind us, yeah?" the second I said that I knew I couldn't possibly let it go.

Javier looked up with a sigh, shaking his head. "Fine. But I just want you to know that I'll always be here, no matter how much you try and get rid of me." he finally said.

That made me smile slightly. "Okay. I'm sorry." He took me in his arms and gave me hug that surrounded me with doubt and confusion, but all I wanted was to stay in his arms forever.

After we pulled away from the hug we walked to the tree together with an awkward silence between us. When I got there, Aleksa was already waiting for me and when she saw me with Javier she gave me a questionable look, and all I could do is give a sad grin.

The rest of nutrition break I tried avoiding anything that was on my mind and made small talk with everyone around me. The rest of the day was pretty relaxed, too. I didn't talk much to anyone but I talked enough to not signal that anything was going on, and Drama Class was pretty fun because we did improv all class and I didn't think about much else because, thankfully, Maddy was absent today.


	4. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**One step forward, two steps back  
><strong>  
><em>Things slowly begin to change, and I guess I<em>  
><em><br>should have seen it coming. New school, new year._  
><em><br>Everyone's going to change, but I didn't expect it_  
><em><br>to be so drastic, especially you (and maybe me,_  
><em><br>too). I wish I knew what was going through your_  
><em><br>mind and you knew what was going through mine._  
><em><br>Would that make things easier or more_  
><em><br>complicated…is it worth finding out?_  
><em><br>What made this happen? I hope it's only another_  
><em><br>phase in growing up._  
><em><br>-Analie Zepeda_

So the last few weeks at school have been alright. I started hanging out with my new friends from English and Geometry class, and ever since I started paying attention in 3rd period, I started liking my English teacher . She's a pretty cool teacher. I've also hit a few bumps along the road, but quickly recuperated. Except one that gets worse day by day.

Ever since Javier and I had that talk about me shunning him we've talked less than usual and every day the conversations between us become less interesting. Shorter. More serious. I guess I should be glad he's talking to me after what a bitch I had been to him when he didn't even deserve it. But do I deserve this? Was I that bad? Two weeks of complete boredom. It's like we're not even friends anymore, just…acquaintances. No. It couldn't have been that. There's something else. There has to be.

Well, it's a new week, let's see how it goes.

First class of the day: Geometry. I get to see Michael and Alicia! (Mike and Lizzy for short) Mike just got his schedule changed last Friday and Lizzy got her seat changed in 1st period and now she's stuck with me.

Today all the sophomores had to take a mandatory test so they'll be missing 1st through 4th period, which means we're going to have free time all of geometry class and Spanish because 85% of the classes are sophomores. But Mr. Contreras likes to mess with us all the time.

"Damn, this is one empty class room." he said as he entered the room after the last bell. "Lucky sophomores are going to miss out on the 50 question pop-quiz!" All 7 of us freshmen left in the class started groaning in disappointment.

"Aw come on Mr.C, couldn't it have been 60 questions, at least!" Mike said suddenly, obviously joking.

"Shut up!" both Lizzy and I whispered at him. We couldn't help but laugh.

"See kids, now that's a dedicated freshman!" said Mr. Contreras with a grin on his face. "And since you guys have such a great influence in the class," he continued, shooting Mike a quick glance, "we'll leave the test for another day." We all let out a sigh of relief. Then Lizzy gave Mike and me a look saying _I've got something. _"But since I'm too lazy to set up the DVD player, you guys can just talk amongst yourselves."

When he sat down at his desk everyone got up and move around the class room. Who knew 7 people could make so much noise.

"So, what'd ya bring!" asked Mike. Lizzy turned to look up at Mr. Contreras quickly and pulled out a box from her backpack. Candy! Not what you'd expect us to be sneaking around, but the last time any of us had candy was ages ago! Mike and I started digging around the pile and I pulled out the first tamarind candy I could find.

"Obviously the Mexican's going to take the tamarindo candy." said Mike rolling his eyes.

"You're Mexican, too!" I shot back at him.

"Yeah, and you eat this stuff just as much as we do." Lizzy added.

"But I'm only a quarter Mexican. I should be eating torrone or something like that." replied Mike.

"Oh, well excuse me mister 'I'm so Italian'." said Lizzy in a mimicking tone. All Mike did was stick his tongue out at her. Lizzy gave him a look. "Very mature…" I laughed shaking my head at how dumb my friends are.

"Are all you "Italians" pasty-skinned toothpicks?" I asked.

"We're not all this sexy, I've seen a fat Italian…my Uncle Franco. And you're just jealous of my green eyes." replied Mike, flipping his light brown hair.

"Oh please, my eyes are way better than yours. Blue _and _green." said Lizzy defensively.

"How does a Mexican get eyes like that? And you're almost as white as me. Shouldn't you look more like her?" asked Mike pointing at me.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!" I said, shooting him a look.

"Well, you're all brown. Brown hair, brown eyes, brown skin. Well, not so much your skin." Mike said innocently.

"In my defense, I'm half Spanish, so I have the right to be white-ish." replied Lizzy.

"You guys are so stereotypical. Not all Mexicans are tan, you know. Now-a-days, with all the ethnicity mixes, you can't really point this stuff out." I jumped  
>in.<p>

Mike and Lizzy exchanged a look. "Nerd." They said at the same time.

"Thanks." I said proudly.

So we spent all of 1st period eating candy and talking about hair and eye colors, and how Italian Mike thinks he is. When the bell rang I met up with Aleksa in front of the 500 building and we walked to Spanish class together.

"I hope Ms. Lopez isn't in one of her moods today and starts giving out a bunch of work." Aleksa commented as we walked into the class room.

"Seriously, is that woman ever off her period?" I responded. Just as took a step back I felt someone bump into me. "Hey, watch where-" as I looked up I saw that it was Javier.

"Sorry." he said, and then walked away.

Aleksa stepped close to me. "What the hell was that?" she whispered.

"I dunno. He's been acting like this for weeks."

When the final bell rang some tall strange guy walked into the class room, and as everyone realized we had a substitute for the day, people started whispering about moving seats.

"Good morning class, or should I say, Buenos Dias." said the substitute in a friendly tone. "I'm Mr. Chavez and will be your sub for the day.

"I see there are a lot of students missing, sophomores I'm guessing. The only note your teacher left for me was to play a movie she left about Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the author you're learning about I assume." As he turned to put the movie on everyone started moving seats and Aleksa came and sat down in the seat to the left of mine.

"So how was 1st period?" she asked quietly.

"Oh yeah, what'd I miss?" asked Javier, who sat right behind me.

"Nothing really, Mr. C gave us free time and Mike, Lizzy, and I ate some candy that Lizzy brought in." I answered. "By the way, where were you during 1st period?" I asked, directed at Javier.

"You weren't here?" asked Aleksa.

"No, I was in the office talking to my counselor." he replied.

"What about?" I asked.

"School stuff." he said indifferently.

"No duh," I said. "What kind of stuff?"

"Just talking about some classes I wanted to take," Javier started saying. "So we were setting up a sort of schedule for those classes for next year." So we all started talking about random career stuff and classes we'd rather be taking and it went on like that the rest of 2nd period. In my other classes we didn't really do much, so it was a pretty boring day at school.

In 6th period P.E. we started playing soccer, which I'm pretty good at considering I've been playing since I was 5, and ended up being in Javier's team. Each team had 7 or 8 people in it and we spent most of the class playing to see who was best at what, but the whole time I felt like Javier was purposely ignoring me. So after class I decided to say something about it.

I ran into him outside of the locker rooms right after the bell. "Hey." I said as he walked by.

"Sup." He replied.

"Um, can I talk to you real quick?" I asked.

He furrowed his eyebrows and turned to face me. "Sure…" he said.

"Well," I said, taking a breath, "I just wanted to ask if something was going on."

"No. Why do you ask?" he said.

"I just feel like you've been very distant lately." I replied. "You don't talk to me as much as you used to and you seem so serious now." I waited for a reply from him, but nothing came out of his mouth. "I just…wanna know if you're mad of if I did anything."

He shook his head with his shoulders shrugged meaning to say no. "Hey, don't you have to get to Drama Class?" he finally said. I looked at him in confusion. He said it as if he was trying to get rid of me. All I did was shake my head in disappointment and walked away.


	5. With All Due Respect

**With all due respect…**

_Blind, that's what you are. Blind. Or simply_  
><em><br>heartless. Or that's what you've become._  
><em><br>Maybe it's only directed to me, but now_  
><em><br>you're acting like a hypocrite. Everything_  
><em><br>you wanted me not to do to you is exactly_  
><em><br>what you've been doing to me._  
><em><br>Think a little, would you?_  
><em><br>-Analie Zepeda_

After talking – if you could call it that – with Javier, I headed down to the theatre for Drama Class. When I walked in I set my stuff down beside the entrance and bumped into Maddy, who was doing the same.

"Hey Ann! Long time no see!" she greeted me.

"Yup, ever since Thursday." I replied in a sort of sarcastic tone.

"So what's going on?" asked Maddy, as if we were suddenly best friends.

"Um, nothing really. Just trying to survive school like anyone else." I said as we started walking towards the rest of the class.

"True that. After we get into second semester teachers start freaking out about finals, huh?" she said.

"Yeah, trying to almost threaten us for good grades." I say with a breathy laugh. Maddy nodded with a laugh. "So how are things with you and your boyfriend?" I asked suddenly.

"Uh, fine I guess." she said, caught off guard. "We haven't gone out much, but we're happy. Why do you ask?" she had somewhat of a jealous tone.

I took a seat on the edge of the stage and turned towards Maddy. "Just asking. You know, he's one of my best friends and he's not much for talking lately." She nodded and turned away to look at our teacher, Mr. Fitz, as he started the class.

During class all we did was work on our skits and practice scenes because next class we'd be performing in front of the other students. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't avoid Maddy because she was my partner for this skit, but we were pretty distant. After class I started heading home and on my way to the front of the school I saw Maddy meet up with Javier, who had just come out of soccer practice, and just as I was about to take my gaze off of them I saw Maddy shoot me a look as she turned back. That was it. The jealousy. At that moment I knew I didn't like her, and I knew this was the beginning of hell for me.

The next day at school I was prepared for the ignoring of a life time from Javier. He didn't talk to me all throughout the day, but I felt his gaze on me in all our classes. I stuck beside Mike and Lizzy in 1st and 3rd period and tried getting my mind off things by talking to Aleksa in my other classes. In 5th period I noticed Javier – who sat right next to me – was reading through a letter. I guessed it was from his girlfriend, but he had an odd expression on his face, as if he didn't believe what he was reading. Maybe she broke up with him? _I'll probably never find out_ I thought to myself. Boy was I wrong.

Today after school Aleksa picked me up and we went to her house for a while. Later we headed out to our old middle school for a 7th grade meeting Aleksa's mom had to go to because her little brother, Samuel, was a pea greener – which is what we call all the 7th graders in middle school.

"Why do I have to go with you to this stupid meeting?" I asked as we get in the back seat of the car.

"Well, I don't want to be alone, and if I have to suffer through this, you're going with me." Aleksa replied in a firm tone.

"I just hope all the pea greeners aren't running around like crazy." I said indifferently.

"I heard that." Sam said defensively as he got into the front seat of the car.

"Hey, just wait until next year when we'll be calling you cabbage heads." I commented.

"And fresh-meat in 9th grade." Aleksa added. I gave her a grin with my eyebrows raised.

Sam sighed. "Can't wait."

When we got to the school we headed to the library where they were having the meeting. After everyone had settled down, Aleksa and I sneeked out and went to the playground it the park across the street. We sat down in the swings and started talking about random crap, when Aleksa noticed someone in the distance.

Aleksa bowed her head and whispered "Son of a bitch…" I turned my head to find Javier walking over with his sister Casandra and Sam running behind them.

"You've got to be kidding me." I mumbled. When he looked up I saw an annoyed look appear across his face. He lay down on the bench a few feet across  
>from us. Aleksa and I turned to look at Sam when he walked by with our eyebrows furrowed in confusion.<p>

"Mom let me come down here and hang out with Cassy." he said shrugging his shoulders. He ran a hand through his spiked up auburn hair, then ran off with Cassy.

"Wow, as if they were 7 years old again." Aleksa commented.

I let out a laugh. "Even we still hang around playgrounds sometimes." Aleksa nodded and laughed. A few minutes later Javier walked over and leaned against the swing set's pole to my right. Aleksa and I just stared down at our feet silently.

"So, what's up?" Javier said, breaking the silence. Aleksa replied with an expressionless "Not much." And we stood there in silence for a while.

Once again Javier decided to break the awkward silence. "Hey, can I talk to you?" he asked, directed at me.

"You're talking, aren't you?" I asked back with unexpected sass.

"I mean, privately…" he replied with a sigh. I brought my hand to my forehead bowing my head for a while then looked up at Aleksa as we exchanged looks. She gave me a look saying _this ought to be good. _I stood up and followed Javier to the bench he was at a while ago.

"Well?" I said impatiently after a while.

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" he said, in a way a father does when he knows you did something wrong.

"Other than I'm pretty pissed off at you for being an ass to me, nope, not really." I replied.

He took a letter out of his pocket, the one he had been reading in 5th period earlier today, and handed it to me. "I found this." I opened it and read through it. I couldn't believe my eyes.


	6. You Can Run And I'll Just Hide

**You can run, and I'll just hide**  
><em><br>We both know we have something to hide,_  
><em><br>everyone sees it. It's also pretty obvious what it is_  
><em><br>but neither of us will admit it. But there's more to_  
><em><br>each of our stories. I won't ask you about your_  
><em><br>issues if you don't bug me about mine. No matter_  
><em><br>how involved either of us is in the other's problem_  
><em><br>it's our business whether we want to talk about it_  
><em><br>or not._  
><em><br>-Analie Zepeda_

Well, life just seems to be a big slap in the face lately. How the hell did my world just flip up-side-down like that? What did I do wrong?  
>I just hope everything will balance out in the end.<p>

It's Tuesday morning and I'm not feeling too hot. The world just seems so depressing to me now. How to face the world with a broken heart, shattered spirit, and most of all a barrier between me and my life? All day, all week, the only thing I did was avoid people. I didn't talk to Aleksa too much anymore, just to say "Hi" and "What's up". When I said "Not much" the conversation was done. Mike kept trying to make me laugh in 1st and 3rd period, and I'd smile at him weakly telling him _thanks for trying_, but I wasn't in a laughing mood. Lizzy kept begging for answers but all I did was shake my head, look blankly ahead, and let her hug me, letting me know that she's still there for me. Even my English teacher, Ms. Munroe, knew something was up and asked me if there was anything she could do to help in whatever was going on. But just like with everyone else, I just thanked her and said "I'd rather not be too open about this right now."

When it came to Maddy, all I did was not rip her head off and bury her in the middle of a desert, and work with her in 7th period as if she were just another kid in this school. And with Javier…well, nothing much happened. I wouldn't talk to him, not even look at him or stand near him – except in all our classes where I sat next to him. But every once in a while I felt his eyes on me, and sure enough, when I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes, he was looking right at me. I couldn't tell if that look on his face was confusion or realization, pain and despair, or will to find out more.

So the weeks went on, boring and depressing as ever. After a few day of this I did start talking to people more, cracking lame jokes so that everyone would think I was getting better. I felt like I had nothing to feel happy about, but I knew I had my friends to laugh and be stupid with.

So after a while, March 13th came around: Sam's birthday. Lucky for Sam it was on a Saturday, so his mom let him have a party. Obviously Aleksa expected to be bored out of her mind, so she invited me over to spend the night, our usual Saturday routine. Since it was Sam's birthday, and I've known Sam since the day he was born, I felt obligated to bring him a present…or a few. I got him the Rock Band 3 game he wanted so badly, a t-shirt of his favorite band, The Beatles, and a 50's poster for his room since he loved the 50's.

For his party Sam invited about 6 people over to go play laser tag and then go back to his house to chill at the pool. Since Aleksa and I were forced to tag along, we got to play laser tag – which we kick ass at – with all the pea greeners.

By 11am everyone had shown up for Sam's party, except for Cassy. After a while of sitting around and waiting, we heard the doorbell ring, and sure enough, it was Cassy. As Aleksa and I were running down the stairs to say hi to her I saw an all-too familiar face standing by the door. Javier. Lovely.  
>Apparently he had to tag along with his little sister because their mom couldn't be there to supervise her. Cassy and Javier have a very paranoid mom. So now I was stuck with this guy all firkin day.<p>

We showed up at the laser tag arena at noon and started blasting each other with the laser guns immediately. I think Aleksa and I had way too much fun with that. After two straight hours of laser tag we all took a while to relax and, of course, eat pizza! Since I was too distracted in the arena shooting anyone on the red team – I was green by the way – I had completely forgotten that Javier was there. When I sat down at the table to eat, I turned and realized he was right next to me. I rolled my eyes and looked the other way.

I haven't talked to him since that day at the playground weeks ago, and I wanted to keep it that way. After he showed me the letter he found I couldn't face him. He knew now.

While I was sitting there reading, all I wanted was to be invisible. I stared at the letter for three minutes trying to figure out how he got his hands on this. Then I just got up, with the letter in my hands, and walked away. Not even remembering Aleksa was there behind us. Javier didn't say anything or come after me – thank goodness – and I kept walking until I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and I just broke down at the corner of the street between the park and the school. I sat there for about ten minutes hoping the world would end right then and there, and then I felt someone's arms around me. I expected to see Aleksa, but it was Cassy, her short brown hair barley hovering past her shoulders, and those brown eyes showing all the compassion in the world. What was she doing here?

"I know he broke your heart." she said, breaking the silence. What? How does she know I had feelings for him? How does she know what I'm crying about? Why is she here trying to make me feel better? "I've been hearing him talk with that girlfriend of his on the phone and I saw the letter. Even I noticed he's been acting weird, and I might not know how you feel, but I know who the problem is." she continued, as if she had read my mind.

"Acting weird? What do you mean?" I asked. I was completely taken by surprise when she said that.

"Well, a few days after he told our parents about this Maddy girl he became very serious. He'd usually come home and bug me, try and make me laugh, and he seemed like the happiest person ever. But now he's a pretty silent person."

"Which isn't like him." I said as if finishing her sentence.

"Yeah," she continued. "Every night he talks to Maddy, and he's always talking about his friends, saying how people are getting annoying, and talks about you." Me? Why me? And why his friends?

"What has that witch been up to?" I said out loud.

"Seems to me like she wants my brother all to herself." she replied. We sat there looking up at the stars talking about how much we miss having the old Javis around. I ended up falling for him all over again. The old him actually. Even Cassy could tell I was in love, she said she heard it in the way I talked about him and saw it in my eyes. I never admitted it though. Cassy and I became greater friends than we had been before, and both of us hoped more than anything that we'd someday see the real Javier again.


	7. Far Away, But Not Far Enough

**Far away, but not far enough**  
><em><br>It seems like no matter how far and how distant_  
><em><br>we are form one another we seem to end up in_  
><em><br>the same place all over again. It's as if we're_  
><em><br>purposely being pulled together…_  
><em><br>Wouldn't that be something?_  
><em><br>There's unfinished business, and, between us,_  
><em><br>there always will be, no matter how hard we_  
><em><br>try to change that. But right now, I don't know_  
><em><br>who's more desperate for the truth: you or me._  
><em><br>-Analie Zepeda_

At the laser tag arena, it's pretty obvious both Javier and I are holding something back, and that there's something we both need to talk about. Even Aleksa and Sam's mom is curious about what's going on. _Jeez, can't people mind their own stinkin' business? _So I start making small talk so that we won't look so suspicious. I mean, come on, we're surrounded by 12-year-old's; it's not hard for them to see what's going on and how we're avoiding each other.

"Hey, pass me a plate yeah?" first thing that came to mind.

"Uh, sure." he grabbed one of the paper plates, and as he passed it over to me he tipped over my soda with the tip of the plate.

"Oh, crap!" I exclaimed, jumping out of my seat as the orange soda spilled all over my clothes.

"Shit!" He grabbed a bunch of napkins and tried to clean up the spill. "I'm so sorry! Here, take these." He handed me a hand full of napkins to wipe myself off.

"Um, I'm gonna head to the bathroom and try to clean myself up." I stood to walk over to the bathroom, and only then did I realize that all anyone else did was sit there and stare at us.

Behind me I heard Javier say, "I'm going to get some towels from the bathroom to help with the mess." And soon he was walking past me to the boy's bathroom across the hallway from the girl's bathroom.

After about 10 minutes of scrubbing off my light purple swim trunks, I finally got the orange stain to be barely noticeable, but I literally had to wash my trunks. Luckily, it _was_ a swim trunk, so the water dried up pretty fast. But as for the white shirt, I had no luck. So I took it off and kept on the gray tank-top I had underneath.

When I was done "tidying up" I realized I ran out leaving the mess of _my _soda all over the table and rushed out of the bathroom to help with whatever was left. As I ran out the door I bumped – literally _bumped _– into Javier who had apparently gone back to wash his hands.

"Hey, sorry about the spill." Said Javier rubbing his shoulder – which is where I hit him with my head as we collided – as I rubbed my left temple.

"Nah, don't worry about it. Accidents happen." I replied. After about 5 seconds of silence he bowed his head and smirked. "What?"

"It looks like you had an accident. An odd, orange colored one." This time he couldn't help laughing.

"Damn! I washed these things like 50 times!" I exclaimed. But I couldn't help but laugh also.

"Don't worry, it's not that bad. I'm just messing with you." I shook my head, still holding on to my smile, and rubbing my head. "Common, we should probably get back to the party room." And with that we walked back to our seats – where the mess had been cleaned up – as we talked about my ridiculous stain and anything orange related.

"Anyways, the stain will probably come off in the pool, with all the chlorine and what not." He said, coming back to the stain talk.

"I'd be surprised if it didn't." after that – our first talk in weeks, maybe months – we finished our pizza and headed back to Aleksa's house.

"So he finally talked to you." Aleksa said as we walked into her house. Only then did I realize I hadn't talked to her since we got out of the laser tag arena.

"Apparently."

"You don't seem too happy about it." She pointed out. And it was true, it really didn't make me all that happy, when, I guess, it really should have.

'"I don't know, I guess that in the end, I still feel rejected." And that was it. Rejection. That's what I felt from him.

"Well, he seemed pretty happy. You guys started joking around like old times." For some reason that made me smile.

"Yeah, but it just seems so….so…"

"Bipolar?" suggested Aleksa as we sat on the staircase.

"Yeah, bipolar. It's so weird. One moment he's shooting me looks, and the next it's as if it was the day we first met all over again." I replied, turning to look at her, "Or like catching up with an old friend."

Aleksa turned her gaze forward. "Well, it seems like he's not quite done with you." I followed her eyes and met with Javier's. He made a sort of gesture as if asking to talk with me and Aleksa just stood up, letting him take her place. "Have fun, but not too much fun." Then she just walked away.

"What was that all about?" asked Javier directed at me.

"I dunno. She's crazy." I replied. I intertwined my hands and leaned forward, placing my forearms on my knees. "So, what's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the note." _The note…the note? The note! Damn, he just had to bring it up! _I immediately bowed my head.

I looked up at him and tried not to show any emotion "Um, can we not talk about it here? Can it wait 'till after Sam's party is over?" I said apathetically.

He sat up straight and sighed as if relieved but disappointed all at once. "Sure. Later would probably be better." So we walked over to the pool and let it all drift away. We spent hours splashing around with all the kids and later opened presents – mine left Sam In awe, had cake, passed out goody bags to the kids – I can't believe they still do that!, and then everyone had left by 10:30pm.

"Today was actually really fun." Commented Aleks as she plopped herself on the couch.

"Yeah, it went better than I expected!" exclaimed Sam. "And by the way," he turned to me, "thanks so much for the drum-set and poster Ann!" You could tell he still couldn't believe he actually owned that stuff now.

"No problem buddy." I replied. At that moment Aleksa and Sam's mom came to the living room to make sure nothing was out of place.

"Well," she said after a sigh, "everything looks good. It's time you guys headed off to bed." Aleksa and I just rolled our eyes and headed up-stairs.

I stopped half way up with Sam right behind me and called Ms. Savalas. "By the way, thanks for letting me stay and for letting me sleep over."

She looked up at me with a smile, as if that had made her day. "No problem sweetie, it was great having you here. You certainly gave us a laugh." I laughed remembering the soda incident.

"Good night Ms. Savalas."

"Goodnight Analie." And with that we went our separate ways.

When I got to Aleksa's room I threw myself on her bed right next to her and let out a long groan on the pillow. Aleksa nudged me with her elbow and handed me my phone.

"Hey you got a text from Javis." My head shot up and I sat up to look at my phone in Aleksa's hand.

I hunched my shoulders. "Poo."


	8. We All Dream Impossible Dreams

**We all dream impossible dreams**  
><em><br>We all wish everything in life was perfect, right?_  
><em><br>Unfortunately there is no such thing, no matter how_  
><em><br>hard one tries._  
><em><br>At times I feel selfish when I think about "how bad I_  
><em><br>have it" because I know I'm not the only one with_  
><em><br>problems. But I have the right to be sad, right?_  
><em><br>Well, all I want right now is to have a reason to smile_  
><em><br>again, and then when that's solved, I'll work on a_  
><em><br>way to end world hunger._  
><em><br>-Analie Zepeda_

Every day for the last couple of months I wouldn't sleep so soundly, and the night of Sam's party was no exception. I'd always start with a dream about school, my friends, hanging out with Javis like before, sometimes even going out with him. But I always ended up with reliving the day Maddy was brought into his life.

After having talked with Javier that night, about the letter and anything that was connected to that, I stayed up for a few hours pacing the house, thinking about, well everything really. All the things that had happened lately. Eventually, at about 4am, I fell asleep.

Javier and I texted from about 11pm to 2:30 in the morning, and it actually wasn't a terrible conversation. I actually think I couldn't stop smiling most of the time. Aleksa tried to stay up with me to keep up with the conversation, but dropped dead – not literally – after about 20 minutes.

Right before I fell asleep I reread all the texts sent between me and Javier.  
><em><br>J: Hey Ann, you have fun today?_

A: Yeah, it went much better that I thot it would. How bout you?  
><em><br>J: Amazingly, yeah_

A:Well, good…cuz you FAIL at laser tag!  
><em><br>J: I do not!_

A: Dude, you only beat like 2 kids.  
><em><br>J: Ok…so maybe I did suck…but it was my first time_.

A: You had never played laser tag before!

J: ..._no_

A: Wats wrong with you! Wat kind of 14-year-old boy has never played laser tag?  
><em><br>J: A Mexican one, and I'm almost 15!_

A: But yur not….  
><em><br>J: I will be in less than a month._

A: Ohhh, a month…  
><em><br>J: LESS than a month_

A: By like 6 days!  
><em><br>J: Still…it's less_

A: Fine, it's in less than a month.  
><em><br>J: Thank you. So…I kinda wanted to talk to you. About that note?_

A: ...Yeah, I remember  
><em><br>J: So, did you really write that?_

A: First, lemme ask you, where did you get that?  
><em><br>J: From Maddy. She said she found it._

A: It was in my backpack, I never took it out!  
><em><br>J: Well, I dunno,_ _maybe it fell out?_

A: …It was on the inside pocket of a journal…  
><em><br>J: Does this mean you wrote it?_

A: …maybe  
><em><br>J: No, it's either yes or no_

A: . . . . .  
><em><br>J: Come on, just tell me. Wat difference does it make?_

A: A HUGE diff…  
><em><br>J: You do realize yur making it totaly obvious that you DID write it?_

A: Then why do you keep asking?  
><em><br>J: I just wanna hear it from you_

A: OK...so I did write it, so what?  
><em><br>J: So what? so you don't care that Maddy read it, that I read it?_

A: Well...yeah  
><em><br>J: So you really like me?_

A: That's wat the letter says aint it?  
><em><br>J: Why didn't you ever tell me?_

A: I was going to...but you showed up with your gf  
><em><br>J: Oh...so, why do you like me or about me?_

A: I dunno...yur cute?  
><em><br>J: I'm cute? you've know me our entire lives and that's all you've got?_

A: Well what do you want, me to pour my heart out?  
><em><br>J: Why not. no I'm kiding_

A: Well, honestly I'd be yur humor, yur smart, you fool around a lot but you know when to act with maners...stuff like that  
><em><br>J: Well, I guess my parents did a good job with me!_

A: Haha gotta love that sarcasm  
><em><br>J: You know, the letter was pretty poetic in a way_

A: Girly much? Poetic how?  
><em><br>J: Hey, most peots are dudes, ok? I dunno, it just felt like listening to a song_

A: I wasn't aiming for that...but thanks!  
><em><br>J: Speaking of writing, how's your story? I havnt read the latest draft_

A: That's cuz you don't wanna talk to me...  
><em><br>J: Cuz you wudnt talk to ME...I didn't wanna annoy you_

A: Well you were always so serious, I thought if I talked to you I be beaten to a pulp!  
><em><br>J: Ok, you've been reading to manny violent books...and I just...I dunno, I have been pretty down latley_

A: Why? Tell the fortune cookie...  
><em><br>J: Well, things with Maddy seem odd_

A: Mhmmm?  
><em><br>J: She asks me about my life too much and she acts like my friken mother sometimes, but when we just hang out I couldn't feel happier_

A: but at school you never seem happy around her...  
><em><br>J: I guess I'm just confused_

A: Why don't you talk to her, I mean, she is your gf  
><em><br>J: I wudnt know wat to say_

A: Just tell her you feel she's being to up tight, a girl always prefers if yur honest  
><em><br>J: If you say so..I guess I could try_

A: By the way, my story's going fine (since you asked earlier)  
><em><br>J: Oh, tell me about it! I won't be able to wait till monday to read it_

A: Well, I' about half way through with it, the undead has been unleashed and is devouring the worlds population, leading us into an appocalypse!  
><em><br>J: Mummies and demons?_

A: Better! spirits and creatures beyond nightmares! and the remaining hunters are out to destroy them all.  
><em><br>J: I love it already!_

A: yeah you do  
><em><br>J: You know, there's such a thing as modesty?_

A: Yur one to speak...  
><em><br>J: Well then..._

A: Haha you know it's true, well I should go to sleep cuz I'ma pass out prety soon  
><em><br>J: Yeah me too, I look fwd to reading the story at school! Night_

A: Night

After I finished reading the texts, I pulled out the letter that was still in my jacket's pocket, read through it one more time, closed my eyes and drifted off.

* * *

><p><strong><br>Words left unsaid**

I never expected more that a friendship, never really thought it would go

further than that.

I guess I should have expected these feelings between a guy and a girl.

I the darkest nights, you're the light that helps lead me on,

and in the brightest days you're the shadow keeping me safe.

It feels like two harmonies in perfect union, and even in silence

it says a thousand words.

Complicated enough for no one to understand why,

but the simplest thing that can make me feel weightless.

In other words; I guess I'm falling for you.


End file.
